I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
