It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
