never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
