Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
