i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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