you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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