help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
