none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
