Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
