I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
