Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
