Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
