if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
