I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
