i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
