I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just google imaged poop.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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