i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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