He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
