look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
