If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
