Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
