I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
