Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
