Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
COCAINE IS GR8
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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