I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
