Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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