I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
