my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
