So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
