Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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