that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
