I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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