It's like a parade of train wrecks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
