careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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