what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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