its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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