I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
