Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
