just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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