Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
