Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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