By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
