I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
