Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
