I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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