I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
