She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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