just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
