my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
