i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
