i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
