oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
